As for a list of childcare and household tasks - yes, I have one.  It's not for equality of responsibility, it's a game I created, that I am responsible for the kids and the house, and I have tasks for checking my personal email and playing games with Mike, and having dates with Mike, and hosting Friday night game nights with friends.  When I took it on like it's all me, and that it's up to me to win the game every day, I don't resent Mike for "not doing his share", I have him help me win my game.  Instead it looks like - Mom, can you scrub my kitchen floor when the kids are down for their nap (and I'm at work)?  Or Mike, can you take out the recycling today on your way back from the gym?  I made sure my 'task list' for every day has everything I want in my life in it - even time to read a Spanish novel for 10 minutes a day. 

 

I use my palm to manage my task list, and I have software that automatically adds my tasks in (like cleaning the bathroom mirrors is on Mondays).  Not everything gets done every day, but I can see really quickly when I haven't paid attention to something for a while, and bring things back into balance.  Mike is not responsible for the kids or the house, except what we've agreed to - which is he takes care of them on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and hands the kids over to his dad as babysitter from 11 to their nap.  Mike is awesome, he works full time, is expanding our consulting business, keeps on top of technology and uses it - reading voraciously, takes Spanish classes (we're finishing the U of C certificate program), works out (his running has dramatically improved this last year), races competetively, and is working on completing his Computer Science degree, a couple classes at a time.

 

If you REALLY want the list of the stuff I do every day, you can have it, but I found it was more important to figure out for myself what was important to me - for instance, along the way I discovered that I can live with cleaning the bathrooms once every 2 weeks, and spend more time playing my computer game Heroes of Might and Magic every day. 

 

I have a very full life, full of everything I want, right now, not someday when the kids are in school and I have more time on my hands.   I'm taking a Spanish class with Mike starting in a couple weeks, I arrange childcare in our family so Mike and I can have a date at least a couple times a month, I'm teaching a class at the University for the 7th or 8th time to teachers to use technology for teaching languages, I work 3 days a week, I do 95% of the cooking, 95% of the cleaning (my house is pretty darn sparkly) and laundry, I'm making bridesmaid dresses for my sister-in-law's wedding in March that I'm a bridesmaid in, I work out at the gym or at home at least once a day, I'm finishing my 3rd Spanish novel in the last 12 months, I play a computer game that will probably take another 30 hours to finish, I have people over for dinner at least once a week, we visit or host the grandparents, we hosted Christmas, I play pool with Mike in our basement at least a couple times a week, I've finished 2 Christmas runners (one was a paid commission) in the last couple weeks, I shop for groceries, keep track of our expenses in Quicken against a budget (which I've been doing for 18 months now, tracking money for the first time in my life), (and yes, there's still sex in there too!) and most of that while the kids are sleeping (napping or before/after they wake). 

 

And of course I take care of the kids - who 'help with dishes' and love nothing more than Mommy's full attention when they're awake.  Other than the childcare at the gym, I've only paid for a babysitter once - when we went to Disneyland for 5 days last year.  Are there breakdowns?  Sure, I'm still human, and my temper tantrums, though rare, still embarass me when things don't go my way.  I just have these great role models, like June Cleaver. 

 

Oh, and did I mention I'm planning a trip to Disney World without the kids this June?  Woo hoo hoo hoo!

 

Anything is possible.  I'm living proof.

 

Cheers

Ang